G-pa Heyden

On May 31st my G-pa Heyden  passed away and while I am heartbroken it brings me great comfort to know that he is no longer in pain. When they started treating his cancer they told us that he would have 6-8 months to fight. I planned a trip to Canada to visit with him in the middle of June so we could have some time together before he got worse. Within three weeks of starting his cancer treatment, he was gone. 

 

 

My G-pa was strong. He was always outside working on something and on the go. He was handy and owned his own construction company for awhile.  I have no memory of him working, they retired very young. He was tall and always pencil thin but in my eyes he could lift just about anything. 

 He was quiet (when he wasn't mad at you haha) and he wasn't much for crowds. Family gatherings weren't exactly his thing but he was there for most everything. He wasn't a member of the church and he believed that we came from apes, so one birthday I found this monkey and I gave it to him for his birthday. I have never seen him laugh so hard before. That monkey sat on his bed until he passed away. He was rather fond of him.

My G-pa wasn't outwardly affectionate but he was secretly sentimental. Anything I ever gave him he had tucked away in his room, somewhere safe and out of the way. His nickname for me was Stuffie and I have no idea why. While I knew he loved me he rarely said "love you too" it was always "take care now". The first time I remember hearing him say it I was 16 years old and I was talking on the phone. After that, it was a rare occasion but when he did say it I treasured it. 

When I was little our house was 7 minutes away from G-ma and G-pa's house and we saw them all the time. I remember on several occasions calling G-pa up saying I didn't want to take a nap and he would come over and rescue me. Sometimes I would move into G-ma and G-pa's house for weeks on end. I loved it there!

When I was little I remember him rocking me to sleep and as he played with my children he would rock them to sleep. 

G-pa loved my kids more than anything. They would tickle, giggle and play. He wanted nothing more than to snuggle with my babies and as I introduced him to Leif be started to cry. He would sit in the living room and just hold and love them and it made my heart full!

The Sunday after  my Daddy passed away G-pa came to church. He was all dressed up in his suit and he looked so handsome. He sat next to me and I held his hand and put my head on his shoulder. He asked a few questions but for the most part he just sat there holding my hand. It really meant a lot to me.

My G-pa had the biggest hands, palm to palm his fingers could easily curl around mine. I called them his bear paws.

At 82 years old he would get down on his knees and teach my kids how to walk and he found such joy in doing it!

He took us camping and would whip us around on the lake for hours! He took us fishing and I have still never caught a fish. He says it's because I talk too much and fish don't like a blabber mouth. Obviously he's right. He taught me how to build things. When I was little, he made me the most incredible doll house which E now plays with and loves.

He and I understood each other in a way that other people didn't. I was his girl and it was a bond I was very proud of. Today was G-pa's funeral in Canada and due to several circumstances, I just couldn't make it, though I tried. It has been so difficult not being there for G-pa when in his own way he was always there for me. How grateful I am that he got to see me get married, and he got to love my children. He was the most important men in my life and I wish I could have said goodbye but I know he knows that. How I will miss him. While he didn't believe in Heaven I know that he is there waiting with Daddy and I am so thankful for eternal families. We sure do love you G-pa. xo Stuffie

July Phone Favorites

July was a roller coaster of a month for me. I have had some amazing times full of laughter and joy and some of the hardest times filled with so much sorrow I felt as though my heart was literally going to break. I just love this picture of my Mom. Her strength when my Dad passed was incredible. I don't think I know a stronger person. And even though she was hurt, confused, broken and lonely, she got down on her knees every morning and night and poured out her heart to our Savior. My testimony was built on my parents testimony. She is such an incredible example of Faith. 

Jakob and Al were reunited at Daddy's funeral. These two are trouble any time they get together. 

These men. I couldn't be prouder of them. 

Things like caskets just seem silly to me. I am not very sensitive when it comes to these things. It's a very expensive box that goes into the ground. Jared was amazing. He picked out Dad's casket and it was perfect for him. So grateful for him. Jared was just amazing!

Then I came home to these little ones and I couldn't have been happier to have them back in my arms!

Playing at the Park in Vegas. E is learning to pump her legs and swing all on her own. When did she get so big?

Ice cream was our go to treat this summer! So yummy!

So happy to be talking to her Daddy back in KC.

Happiness = In n Out!

I just love snuggling with this Peanut in the morning!

Sabbath day selfies!

Uncle Duke came for dinner with Mom and Dad and I finally got to give him his B-day present (from January). It was so good to see him! I think he needs to move to KC. Jakob was a bit jealous but we Skyped him in so he wouldn't feel so left out. 

Our final night in Vegas we stayed up late and went to Sonic for 1/2 price shakes. E was super stoked! 

They were delicious! That you Mom and Dad!!!

The same night I came home my friend Bre from Nashville was coming through KC so she crashed at our place for the night with her littles. It was great to see her! That's July! Man, summer is flying by!

Daddy's Funeral

The day of the funeral felt so surreal. How did we end up here? My Dad really isn't gone...  is he? I felt as though I was watching a movie and that it wasn't actually happening to me, but it was.

The morning of the funeral we all wrote Daddy letters. There was a drawer in the bottom of the casket so we all wrote a few words. It really think that it was a good opportunity to get some closure. So many things to say, even though he already knew. It just goes to show that you may not have the chance later.

For the most part, the house was very calm, still. Everyone was feeling the weight of the day ahead of us.

 My Mom was stunning. She was calm and we could all feel the spirit with us, lifting us, supporting us. I cannot imagine how people feel when they think that this is the end of our journey. I felt devistated and I knew that he still lived in the eternities. That faith kept us going and it made the day much lighter. 

 The night before I flew home my Dad had not yet passed away. I told Ethnie that I was going to go see Opa because he was sick and she asked if she could make him a card. 

I asked her what she wanted to say and a wrote it out for her. She is such a sweet girl. We put this in his casket too.

We had a viewing before the funeral. They let the family go in first and that was the first time that I saw my Dad since he was here in Kansas. I only caught a glimpse and then that was it. I couldn't look at him again. That wasn't my Dad. My Dad glowed, he was full of light and love. He cared so much about everyone else and sacrificed all that he had to serve others. He gave willingly and put others first. That body in that casket was not my Dad and seeing him like that in my mind was not okay, I couldn't do it. I had a job to do. I had to stand here and comfort others. I had to speak. I had to be strong and I couldn't do that when I saw him.

I sat and I watched first my Mom come and place her hand on his head. I could feel her sorrow, her agony and I felt so bad. I watched Chris who felt so bad that he couldn't be there when he passed. I felt so bad for him because he still needed a Dad and his was gone. I watched Jared, completely broken as he cried over Dad's body. Then I wanted to wake up. This couldn't be real. But it was and I felt so helpless. 

I was so nervous about the service. This wasn't like speaking in sacrament about tithing, where most people will forget what you said by the following week. This was about my Father and I wanted to badly to make him proud. For people to see him how I had. I was also scared that no one would be there. He was so loved but it was a long weekend and I knew that lots of people would be out of town. We walked into the chapel and sat down in the front row. They began the service and we sang "I Believe in Christ" and I was completely overwhelmed by the spirit and the volume of the congregation. I didn't look back to see how many were there but I could feel them, each one of them singing out and I was instantly calmed. 

 I keep saying that I had to speak when I really wanted to. I was honored to do so and while the thought of it was terrifying I was excited to share the love I had for my Father with everyone else. Here is what I said... sort of. Towards the end I started shortening it because I felt I was speaking for a long time.

I would like to start off by thanking everyone for your kind words of love and support. You have lifted us up in this time of heart ache. We have such an amazing family and friends.

My Dad was a deeply religious man. He had a firm, unshakable testimony of our Savior Jesus Christ and he knew that he lived. That testimony was started in a rather unique way. When he wanted to know about the truth he was determined to get to the source. He drove down to Salt Lake City to speak to the prophet and the rest is history I am sure that you all have heard his conversion story several times because he love to tell it…..

He was baptized on July the 4^th, 1987 28 years ago today. I find great comfort in the little coincidence but as Daddy would always say… There are no such thing as coincidences.

He met my Mom and they knew very quickly after they met that they would get married. They were married in the Salt Lake temple on August 9^th 1988.

My Dad loved my Mom with all of his heart and you could see that by the way he served her every single day. He would do anything to make her happy. When we were being born my mother wanted to be in a dress and my Dad had to be in a shirt and tie. It was a special occasion and so he dressed up for her. When Jared was born he asked her if he could wear running shoes because the dress shoes were so uncomfortable after he had stood all day. My Mom just gave him a look and he said “never mind, I will wear the dress shoes.” That is true love.

Another time we were traveling in Houston visiting family and Mom didn’t want to fly home due to September 11^th. She called my Dad and told him that she had good news and bad news. She told him the good news was that she was coming home. The bad news was that she wasn’t flying. He asked her how she planned on getting home then and she replied that she planned on renting a car and driving home with us kids. Without hesitation he told her, No, I’ll come and get you. The next day he got in the van and drove 36 hours sleeping in his van along the way to get us and arrived with a smile. 

He had a great sense of humor and loved to tease my Mom. One day I was sitting on the couch next to my Dad and his phone goes of with the imperial march from Start Wars, you know the  "Dun Dun Dun, dun dun dun, dun dun dun." He looked at me and smiled and said "It's your mother."  I laughed and said “Well that’s scary, he smiled and said “Yeah, she scares me too.” Mom didn’t mind as long as he answered the phone. 

Even though he was funny and loved to tease her, it wasn’t always like that. While he was at the hospital and they spoke for the last time. He grabbed my Mom’s hand and said “We’ll get through this.” The nurse leaned over to the Dr and said “Look how sick he is and all he cares about is her.” My Dad loved my Mom more than anything.

Just as he cared about my Mom he cared about other people. He loved to serve. He wanted to help people. He was always the first one to raise his hand to help. I would like you all to reflect now on my Father. Did he serve you? Did he comfort you when you were sad, sick or afflicted? Has he loved you? Was he there to give you a blessing or to lend a helping hand? If the answer is yes would you please stand. (everyone stood up.) Thank you. My Father loved people with a Christ like love. He loved to get lost in the service of the Lord and that has always been something I admire about my Dad.

He was always grateful to those who served him. While at the hospital one of the Dr’s was explaining that he had a wonderful team that he was proud of and that they were going to take good care of him. My Dad smiled and said “Thank you so much for studying so hard to become a Dr so that you could help me. I really appreciate it Dr. House.”

  

 

He was a great help in raising us kids. One evening Dad mixed up Chris and Jared’s bottles. Mom warned him that if Jared got fussy he was walking the floors with him. Sure enough that baby got a stomach ache and Daddy was walking the floor. All of a sudden Jared threw up all over him. He called for my Mom. He was so covered in puke all you could see were the whites of Dad’s eyes.

Just like he was always there for Mom he was always there for us kids too. He flew down to drive home with me on one of my journeys from Vegas. I had planned on driving it alone and he said that he didn’t mind taking the time so spend it with me in the car. He was so sweet and gentle with us kids. Very respectful on our thoughts, feeling and emotions. I love turtles. I’m not sure why exactly but they are my favorite. Almost every time we got together Daddy had found a turtle for me be it an ornament, or a piece of jewelry. It was so nice to know that he was thinking of me and I treasure my turtles. 

Chris treasures the times when they would go on road trip and camp. They ended up canoeing a lot together. He would tell Chris “You are my motor and I get to steer.” Even though those two could agree on which way to go and got into several sticky situations they always ended up having and good time and laughing about it.

He loved his grandchildren and was the most amazing Opa. He would always be driving back and forth to Calgary to visit Mya and justice and even though he couldn’t come to visit me often I saw him all the time on Skype. One afternoon my 2 ½ year old daughter Ethnie came up to me and asked me for my phone. I figured that she just wanted to watch Netflix and so I handed her the phone. A few moments later she came up to me and asked me for the tablet. I was confused since she usually plugs in and doesn’t switch devises but handed her the tablet and she trotted off to the couch. I went downstairs to do some laundry and I heard a man’s voice. I thought that she had let a stranger into our house and she was happily chatting back and forth with this man. I flew up the stairs to find my Dad on Skype with Ethnie. She had called him on my phone to ask him to Skype and then found him on Skype and called him all on her own. She loved to see her Opa. We would Skype almost every day and he would always stop everything that he was doing to be with us. And he would never rush us saying he was busy. He would sit and talk for an hour or more seeing that I was overwhelmed or lonely. He would talk with the kids while I made supper or we’d talk while I’d fold laundry. It’s amazing how close he felt even though he was miles away.

Duke was his boy. Whenever he saw Opa he would race into his arms. Those two were inseparable. He was my Dad’s shadow. Opa would be laying down on the couch and Duke would race over to wake him up and Opa never complained. He’d snuggle, bathe and put them to bed. When Duke was colicky he would walk the floors with him. It was so cute. One afternoon I told Dad that I wanted to make a busy board full of locks and things for Duke. Dad was so excited. We headed off to Home Depot to hunt for things to put on this board. He rewired lights, and would say “Oh, he’d love this thing, oh he’d love this lock and you could see the excitement in his eyes. We saved it for Duke’s birthday and I cannot wait to see the same excitement in Duke’s eyes.

He got to come down all by himself in February for Ethnie’s birthday. It was such a fun trip. We had a frozen party and Dad was right there helping me fluff tissue paper pomp oms, taping crowns together, we made a castle cake together which took longer than necessary because we are both so dang OCD. Whenever we started a project no matter what it was he was there helping you finish it. Before I was married there was a group of us working on making my wedding invitations? It was a big project and we were sitting around the table laughing away. Daddy came up stairs and said “What are you guys laughing about? Wait I want to help.” He was right in there tying bows, stamping and folding.

He could fix just about anything. I always told him he was a super hero. I would make lists at my house of random projects that I needed help with around my house that Jakob was too busy to do but when Daddy visited he would need something to work on. I called it my Daddy-Do List and I would put random things on it such as fixing the radio in my car, putting up shoes racks, fixing the flash on my camera. He would spend hours trying to make things perfect for me while he was there. He ripped my car apart several times and he’d check things off his list as he went. He’d pull up to my house and say “where’s my list?!” It meant the world to me that he cared so much.

Dad passed away suddenly and while we all know exactly how much he loved us I think he would have wanted to say a few thing to each of us. Here are a few thing that I think he would have said.

Karen, I’m building your mansion. I’m not far away. I know you’re scared but you are the strongest person I know and you can do this. Rely on your testimony and go to the Lord for strength. You have amazing friends who will be there for you. Laugh, and be happy. You will find joy and I will love watching you conquer the world. I love you more than anything and I miss you. It will be okay, we will get through this.

Chris, you are gentle and kind. You can anticipate others feelings and can be a great comfort to them. Remember that you are a child of your father in heaven that he loves you and cares about you. Stay strong. Do things that make you happy and laugh. Don’t be afraid to take chances. Sometimes you will fail but you will get back up again and you will learn. Serve others. When you feel lost lose yourself in the service of others and you’ll know exactly what you are supposed to do. Trust the spirit and go to the Lord. He will guide you. I am so proud of the man that you have become. I love you.

Jared, you are strong. Be strong for Mom in this time of hardship. Stand up for her and find comfort in each other. Work hard. You have an amazing work ethic and you can accomplish anything that you put your mind to. Make your Mother and me proud. I know that you can do amazing things if you set your mind to it. Continue to work hard and listen to the promptings that will guide you in this life.  I love you.

I love my Dad so much and I will miss his laugh, the way he could give you a hug and you could just feel how much he loved you, the way he was up for any project, the way he could turn any conversation into a conversation about the gospel. I will miss watching him chase my babies around, calling him when I’m lonely and the way he could make anything all better. I know that this is not the end and I look forward to the day when we are reunited once again. I love you Daddy. 

It was a beautiful service. I would like to thank the lady in this picture here. This is Catherine Jones, my mom's best friend. While I was in Canada I didn't have a single friend come to visit. I don't have any friends there any more. I had never felt more alone in my life and Catherine was not only there whenever we needed her, or to help my Mom through this, but she was there for me too. One night we told her that we were good, thanks for calling and she just said, well I' at the front door. She came in and we all climbed on the bed and talked about Dad and the funny things that he did. We laughed so hard we cried and I can't tell you how much that meant to me. She brought so much comfort and support and I will eternally be grateful for her!

Once the service was over we had a luncheon. It was so nice to get to talk to people and speak about my father. The fire alarm got pulled three times and I told everyone that Daddy did it on his way out. It was rather funny.

My borther Matt spoke before me and I was so glad that he did! He had a relationship with Dad that was entirely different and I loved hearing the stories that he shared!

I was so proud of these men. 

Now it may seem odd that I am smiling in this picture but there is a story behind that smile. Dad was buried WAY out of town across from a cow pasture. When we arrived the cows had gotten out and since the gate was open a cow had gotten into the cemetery. It was funny and just another way for Dad to lighten the mood I am sure. 

This is my niece Mya. She is 5 and she is the sweetest little girl! 

The children of Ronald van den Berge

My older sister Melanie and my brother Matthew.

This is the only picture I have of me with my sister. I have only ever met her once in my life. 

My brothers Jared, Chris and myself.

The boys. 

My Dad was buried in the family cemetery and this is where all of my grandmothers family is buried.

This was the hardest day of my life, and yet I never never felt so much peace and comfort from our Father in Heaven. I have felt my testimony grow leaps and bounds over the past few weeks. I still feel this emptiness and I feel lonely. My Dad and I would talk almost daily and I feel a gap in my life that simply cannot be filled by someone else. This hole is for my father and while it hurts I know that I will see him again. I am grateful that he passed quickly and only had to suffer a shot while. I am so grateful for everyone's love, support, comments, e-mails, letters and for all of the flowers. Through this trial I have gained an greater understanding of our Father's plan for us. A knowledge that this isn't the end but simply a step to the eternities. I am thankful for the tender mercies that our Father in Heaven sends to me and I am thankful for the sweet peace the Spirit brings. I have been so blessed.