Mom Life

 Well, this was a fail. A horrible lack of judgement on my behalf but that's is parenthood too right? We had to run some errands, and while we were already loaded up I decided to try and squeeze one last errand in and head to the mall. We were quickly approaching nap time but I figured we could be quick, pick up lunch at the mall and head home. My first road block happened before we even got out of the car. I should have called it quits then. It was absolutely a sign. I couldn't remember how to open my stroller. I spent 20 minutes trying to get it open and in the process, Redd woke up from his nap and had started screaming. I grabbed my wrap and decided that I would just get us inside and then I could wrap him to me. I stuck Sprout in the bottom of the stroller and he lost it, saying he wanted to walk... so we did.... a very slow walk into the mall.

I got to the stand to purchase my ornament and the entire time Redd was screaming as if his fingernails were being ripped from his body. Leif was trying to race up the escalator and I told him that if he stayed close we could ride the carousel after Mama was done. I finally got Redd wrapped to me and Sprout was still trying to sneak away. Once we finished at the first place, I headed three doors down to Hallmark to purchase another ornament. While in the store Leif said, I have to pee. Redd is still screaming and I literally left my stroller, purse and phone in the middle of the store, asked an associate to watch it and race to the bathroom with Leif. We get into the bathroom and he starts screaming because the toilets and hand dryers are too loud. Redd is still losing his mind. Five minutes later and literally ripping Sprouts pants off him we were done in the bathroom. I stopped outside the bathroom door to try and latch Redd so he could nurse in the wrap. Some random guy was staring at me and I almost punched him. Seriously did he have to make me feel sooooo uncomfortable?

We get back into the Hallmark store and I make my purchase, Sprout proceeds to throw an ornament across the store, thankfully it wasn't fragile. I thank the associate and turn to grab the stroller and Leif has taken off towards the carousel. I race after him and we stand in line.

We are now happily sitting on the carousel. He is all smiles and all is well in the world. I plan our next step and tell him that once we are done it's time to go home. The ride ends and he does not want to get off. How did I not see that coming? I tell him that we have to get off to have another turn that our coins were only good for one. So he climbs down and then Throws himself on the floor once I tell him that he don't have another coin. I walk 10 steps to get the stroller thinking if I just put Redd down then I can carry Sprout. Sprout then races to the play place beside the carousel. As I am trying to get him out of the play place still wearing Redd he starts screaming and throwing himself. He runs by me and races around the carousel where I can't see him. Some mom's laugh and say "I remember that stage" No, obviously you don't because if you did, you would never let my two year old run away when I clearly have a newborn and can't chase him! I leave my stroller and race to catch him. Redd at this point is screaming bloody murder. I pick up Leif, while he's thrashing and hold him between my legs because he keeps hitting Redd in the head while he thrashes. 

I try to get Redd out of the wrap and in his car seat and just as I lay him down Leif slips from between my legs and races to the escalator, and gets on. all while Mom's watch and shoot super judgey looks at me. I leave Redd, my new born baby and run up the escalator, grab Leif and start running down the wrong way. Heaven knows that Leif would have gotten to the top and started running and then I'd never find him. At this point every single person is staring at me in the mall and not one single person asks to help. I grab Leif, throw him in the bottom of the stroller, buckle him in and beeeeeeeeline it out of the mall. It was terrible. The worst kind of crazy and the whole time I was thinking WHY DID I DO THIS??? Moral of the story, life is kicking my butt. Cute pictures are totally fake.

July Phone Favorites

July was one FULL and busy month and it zoomed by in the blink of an eye! We had such a wonderful July full of trips, family and laughter. Here is a round up of our phone favs!

Some quality snuggle time with Daddy!

Duke got out new basket of strawberries and took one bite out of every single one of them. 

This boy is all the heart eyes!

 Sprout sure does love his big sister!

Manny went poo in the potty and got to open his toy! He was so excited!

Sprout is a big fan of the door way jumper!

E's drawing of our family and yes I'm the one that looks like a shark!

Library time!

We officially got a library card for the first time and we checked out a couple of movies and books. the kids are pretty excited about it!

 Bear fell asleep with his little fingers under the door at Gramma's house.

Why do we not have these in the States?!?!?

Getting Kinder Eggs!!!

L-O-V-E this!!

We need more of this in our schools!

 So much vomit!!

So much love!! It was a wonderful month but now it's back to Kansas, and time to get ready to GO TO SCHOOL!?! I can't believe it! Summer has flown by and it was wonderful!

Mom Life - Poop

I am not an easily embarrassed person, but when those rare moments come along, man they are special. We had decided to go to McDonald's for lunch one super hot afternoon. The play place was amazing and the kids were having a blast. I saw Duke grab himself and told him to come down and go potty. of course he was at the very top of the structure. He started to make his way down. Once he came out of the slide I took him to the potty that had no light in in. I sat him on the toilet using my phone's flashlight as a light and I could smell poo. I assumed the person before us hadn't flushed when I went to pull up Duke's pants and saw poo on his leg. SO I cleaned him up, using the thinnest toilet paper ever, when I heard E scream and say "EEEWWWWW POOOOOOO!" Oh my lanta, my son has pooped in the play place. So gross!

I quickly told the staff, all the while Leif was screaming and E was laughing thinking it was hilarious, Duke was mortified and you could tell. I told the staff to just give me a bag and chemicals and I would clean it up, I mean it was my child. After several attempts they told me that they couldn't let me do that. That's when the real embarrassment kicked in. I felt soooooooo bad. They had to clear out the play center which was crowded and clean the entire play place. It was bad, and it will be a while, if we ever do end up going back again!

Mom Life

This stage of life is a bit tricky. I am feeling fan-freaking-tastic. I do not feel depressed at all which is so beyond amazing. I feel like we are getting into a groove, a routine that is semi working. Jakob is studying for his CFA exam which means he leaves at 7:00 in the morning and doesn't come home until 7:00-7:30 every evening. At first I assumed we wouldn't make it through this but you adapt and we have a pretty great schedule. 

The hard part about Jakob being so busy, means that I have to do a lot of things on my own, with three kids. Here is what my last two days have looked like. After the morning rush of getting Duke out the door and E off to school Leif and I zipped to get the oil changed in Missouri. While I wasn't looking forward to this and I ended up trying to drive through the exit door, I will actually look forward to all future oil changes. The dealership had a children's toy area that was pretty awesome and they served you food, from off of a menu. I got a smoothie... for free. They also washed the car. Score! After I finished with the oil, we went to Wal-Mart and Costco and then flew to the school to pick up E. While we were waiting for the bus I pumped some milk so I'd have milk for our next adventure, swapped and folded laundry and made snacks for the kids for the car. As soon as Duke got off the bus we jumped in the car and headed out to Topeka to get Leif's birth certificate so we could get his passport. Such a long back story, but yes... we had to drive to get it. Then I couldn't find parking, so I had to haul the three kids a block and a half to get to the office. And drive an hour and change back. It was a long day. 

The next morning I attempted to get paperwork in order for kindergarten kick-off and for Leif's passport. Jakob had set the necessary documents in a "safe place" and we couldn't find them. So after an hour and a half of searching I went to Costco to get Passport photos. Then I went to E's school to get papers printed off. Picked up E and headed home to wait for Duke. Got Duke and went to the post office to get more documents for Leif. Went to E's new school to drop off forms, she then needed to have an interview which we were supposed to do last week that I didn't know about. We then went to sign forms at the insurance office. Needless to say I am over paper work, flights, and passports. And while I may seem like I'm complaining I am actually SUPER grateful that I was able to do all of this with my kids. That they were able to cooperate and listen and help me and while they were not perfect, they were good and that's all I needed! 

Life is busy and it won't stop just because I want it to. We've got this!!!

Manny's Manicure

One afternoon Manny was quiet, a bit too quiet upstairs. Once I realized the silence I decided to investigate. As I was coming upstairs he was coming down shouting "Mama! Mama!" holding up his hands. 

This super cute little man had once again gotten a hold of the white out only this time he decided to paint his nails. I wasn't even mad, I was seriously impressed! I mean for a three year old check out that control?? He does a better job that I do! As an added bonus, there wasn't a single drop of white out anywhere else in the house. His clothes were clean, the desk was clean and he even put the lid back on when he was done! I sure do love this boy! Nice nails buddy!

The Crasin Strikes Again

Some of you may remember back when E was about two and she shoved a Crasin up her nose during Sacrament. Crasin's and children just don't mix. I'm not exactly sure what is so appealing about shoving things up your nose but I left Bear with some snacks and then he started crying and holding his nose. 

I knew he shoved something up there and he would let me use my finger and look but he had nose desire for me to use tweezers to get it out. He also couldn't grasp the idea of blowing out either. So after 10 minutes of trying to reason with him I called my neighbor over to help hold him down. (Of course I had laundry piled in the hall ready to take down and lunch was still on the table.) We tried a few different variations but in the end i sat on him pinning his arms down and she held his head as tight as she could while I use the tweezers.

It was scary for not only Duke but for E too as she ran back into her room and bawled. Poor girl thought we were hurting him and Duke was just traumatized. 

We got the Crasin out and I learned a few things. 1. Crasins are ONLY to be enjoyed when closely supervised by an adult. 2. Keep your house clean because you never know what you'll have to call the neighbor to come pick something out of your child's nose.

Mom Life: Target

I fully accept that when I am with my children I do NOT belong in Target. Target is quiet, peaceful and you always want to stop and buy everything. When we are shopping, we are hell on wheels. Duke is a straight up flight risk and he is gone in the blink of an eye. He has been getting better which is specifically why I decided to dip our toes in the Target pool of wonder, but it just further clarified that we are in fact the people of Wal-Mart. 

I happened on this particular trip not lose Duke once but TWICE! I feel that in itself deserves a round of applause! Hashtag: MOMFAIL! I had eyes on the target (my son, not the store) and I looked ahead to see how far E had gotten, telling her to stay with us and *poof* Duke was gone. I saw a blur of a red sweater race by so I knew immediately that he had not been kidnapped. Then the chase was on. Trying to keep things as casual as possible because Target is like a library, we weaved in and out of the clothing department looking for him. After one lap I decided I needed an extra set of eyes and enlisted an associate. She walks the opposite direction and says almost immediately, "Ma'am, is that your son?" Every part of me wanted to lie and say no, I'm looking for another boy, about this tall with a red sweater and blonde hair. but he was mine. He had climbed against one of the walls with clothes hung on them. One of the levels was just his height and he was sticking his hands behind the clothing, pushing the clothes from the racks in one swift motion, piling shirts on to the floor in seconds. He had cleared 5 racks by the time I had caught him. Oh the embarrassment! Oh the mess!! 15 minutes later the clothes we rehung and we were back on our mission. 

He slipped away for a second time a little later, he was gone a total of 10 seconds and it further confirmed that he will probably be 10 before he is ever allowed to get out of the cart again.

And while I am sure you are reading thinking, girl, keep a hold of your child, I assure you.... I do. Unfortunately, two kids + a cart + paying for items + E talking expecting full answers + watching Duke every second + ONE MAMA just doesn't add up. Sometimes you can't do it all. And this is why Duke will no longer ever leave the cart again. Further proof that no mother, no matter how much they look like they have got it together, just doesn't! 

Mom Life: Mom's of Multiple Children

Let's all just get real for a solid minute or two. Mom life is beautiful, it is charming, you have moments of eternal bliss and joy filled with tickles and laughter. But Mom life can also be a dark, crazy place filled with turmoil and embarrassing moments. Kids do not always listen, they do not always cooperate, eat their dinner or stand still or hold your hand. Being a Mom is hard and it is NOT perfect no matter how hard you try. I feel blogs, Instagram and Facebook paint this unrealistic perception of peoples lives where we think that everyone has got their crap together. Anyone who tells you that, is totally lying. I felt so put together until I got pregnant and then our worlds quite literally exploded. So to showcase a few of our finer moments I have decided to share some of the not so pretty moments in my life. Here are a few of my laugh out loud mom moments from the past two days. Welcome to the Mom Life Series

Duke goes to speech therapy at the elementary school twice a week. Our appointment time is fairly early so we end up meeting a lot of children who are late for school. This particular day, there was a Mother with her Son, she was all panicked and was holding a comb in her one hand and a little cup of water in her other. She was in her late 30's early 40's and I assumed that this was her third or fourth child. She just looked drained. We got buzzed in together and this is how our conversation went down. 

Me: Is it picture day today?

Mama: Yes, which is one of the reasons why we are late but we had a medical emergency as well so that contributed. 

Me: Well yes, that wouldn't help at all.

Mama: Yes, constipation is such a horrible thing, took him forever to pass.... and I'll stop typing out what she said right there because she went into a great amount of detail which I'm sure is exactly what ever 6 -7 year old wants total strangers to hear. The hallway from the door to the office is rather short but I felt as if we would never make it, because she just didn't stop explaining this bowel movement.

Me: Well I'm glad he's feeling better and that you guys made it to school.

At this point E, Duke and I sat down and we watched this woman, who was still frantically dipping her comb in her cup of water and trying to comb her sons already combed hair. She then touched his shirt and got a drop of water on it and frantically explained that he just couldn't have his picture taken until his shirt was dry! I sat bewildered, I mean I'm fairly OCD, but she was making me nervous. The boy finally walked through the office door to class and this woman took a deep breath and looked at me. She then said: "How do parents more than one child do this?! I mean 3, 4, 6?!? I have a hard enough time with my one!"

I then had to control my facial expression as I realized this boy was an only child. I looked at E who had dressed herself that morning in a hot pink dress with poodles all over it, Christmas tights and puddle boots. Her hair hadn't been combed or redone since Sunday (it was now Thursday) she was looking a bit haggard. Then there was Duke wearing ripped jeans and a P.J shirt from last night because his simply didn't want to take it off. And while I usually (and by usually I mean always) shower before I leave the house, today I hadn't because I was planning on going home and scrubbing toilets. So I had no makeup, hair in a greasy, sloppy pony, and I was wearing track pants and a old high school t-shirt. I did manage to put on a bra however. Despite me actually wearing a bra, we were a hot mess. 

I laughed at the lady and said, "Well, I'm expecting baby #3 which is probably irresponsible based on our appearance. Once you have more than one it's a fight to survive." She just stared at me and walked away. It was hilarious, probably only to me, but none the less further proof of how much I do NOT have my crap together.