A Few Hard Things

I'm not looking for sympathy. I want to start this post off by saying that, I'm just trying to keep the balance. I've said it before and I'll say it again; this blog is our families journal and I feel that I should include just about everything. 

Parenthood is not easy. I never thought it would be but right now is especially hard. I am incredibly hormonal from this pregnancy. It's like PMS on constant overdrive. I can feel myself becoming unreasonable and I just can't stop it which makes me even more annoyed. I am SUPER tired which is obviously understandable. It's no easy task making a baby but I do not cope with lack of sleep well. I go to bed at 8:30 every night and it's still not enough. I would nap while E naps but my OCD kicks in and I must clean, or prep for primary, or try to accomplish something on my never ending list of "to-dos." Yet with all of the bustling around I still feel like my life is in a constant state of chaos which stresses me out and adds to the problem.

I love my daughter and I feel as though I am not being the Mother that she needs just because I do not have the energy. She is in a very needy stage of her life where she's exploring her independence but she wants me right there beside her the entire day. She's a great helper! It makes it hard to maximize my time even though I know that she needs me more and I need to be with her. 

She has this terrible bum rash where she cries because it hurts so bad. It breaks my heart to hear her cry and not know how to fix it.

Let's not even get into being the bomb.com wife that I want to be.

In summation I feel like I'm not enough. I feel like I'm failing every single day, when in reality I'm not. I need to streamline. I need to let go and I need to focus on the important things. Being on the verge of tears every day is killing me. I can't go on like this. Time to cut out the fluff and get down to the basics: My daughter, my husband, myself. Church, the house and all of the other extras are just going to have to wait until I can feel like I can take them on. I've got this! 

I was reading a talk by M. Russel Ballard (Quorum of the Twelve Apostles) from April 1990 and he summed up my solution perfectly: "We observe vast, sweeping world events; however, we must remember that the purposes of the Lord in our personal lives generally are fulfilled through the small and simple things, and not the momentous and spectacular."

Not the momentous and spectacular. Love it. It's time for a change.