Christmas in Kansas

Christmas round 3! There was no way i was flying gifts to Vegas and then from Vegas to Canada and then back again. So we opted to give our gifts to the kids an each other once we got home. We went WAY overboard for the kids! It is a tricky thing since my love language is gifts. That is how i show my love, I buy things for you and when it came to the kids they got A LOT from Aunts, Uncles, Grammy and Pa, Oma, Great- Gramma and the list goes on (THANK YOU EVERYONE!!!!) and so these kiddos were spoiled and so they lose the magic, the wanting, the excitement, and most of all the gratitude. So next year we will be sticking to the 4 gift rule; something they want, something they need, something to wear and something to read. Genius!

This little girl will learn how to want and how to EARN things. I think that will help. :)

This little man however was just over the moon while he was opening his gifts. He wouldn't want to open any others because he was having SO much fun playing with what he got. I just love that! And that is an official wrap on Christmas, now onto prepping for E's birthday!!!

Resolutions

 Resolutions. I love making them but I am horrible at keeping them. I was reading through the ones that I have made and posted on my blog and my success rate was LOW! So here we go, hoping that I will be better this year. These are fairly personal and I have debated posting these on my blog or not, but since my blog is private and you are all family and friends I feel comfortable sharing real parts of me. I am not posting for sympathy, just to get it out.

1. Improve my relationship with my Father in Heaven. 

Christmas eve was hard. That night I sat up all night and just bawled. It felt as if my heart was going to explode. Things felt off without Daddy and I just wanted him to be with us more than anything. As I sat by the tree and cried I felt this hole that just couldn't be filled and I began to reflect on the true reason for this Christmas season. Because our Father in Heaven loved us so much he sent his son. A baby to this world. What love, what sacrifice, what a gift. and because of that precious baby was born, he lived and he died for me, not only for my sins but for my grief as well. What a blessing. While this trial has been hard to bear, it has brought me closer to my Savior and I am so thankful for such a wonderful gift.

Losing my Father this year has really had me thinking about our Father in Heaven and how much my Spirit must miss him. I read a quote online from President Ezra Taft Benson that said; “Nothing will surprise us more than when we get to heaven and see the Father and realize how well we know Him and how familiar His face is to us.” I started to think how close my Dad and I were and how I longed just to talk to him, and that I could have that same relationship with my Father in Heaven, his hand is stretched out towards me and I have to reach back. 

So to do this I will improve my scripture study and personal prayer. I have always struggled with both of these and I really want to be better to improve our relationship.  

2. Have REAL expectations of my ability to heal and let it go.

I was so excited for 2015! Jakob was going to graduate, we were going to move to our new city and hopefully set down roots, I was going to get pregnant, and we were going to have adventures and while a lot of that did happen (no baby though) and there was good, the shadow of my Dad and other family members passing away hit me HARD. Whenever I saw movies or heard of people passing away I just couldn't understand why they were so sad. For people of our faith especially, they had a knowledge that it wasn't the end, that families are forever and then it happened to me. I figured I would bounce back, that it would be sad for a few days and then that would be it. I would miss him and go on. I didn't expect to be devastated, to be hurt and shattered, to cry so hard that my insides hurt. I didn't expect the hard days. And the more frequently they happened the more frustrated I became. 

On new years I was so excited to put things behind me. to close 2015 up like a book and just keep it shut. Then January 2nd came and it happened all over again and I was furious. I was done, I quit and I wasn't supposed to feel pain. But of course I did. Me thinking that over night things would change was a completely unrealistic and I need to be okay with hurting. To know that it is a process and that it is okay! Wounds don't heal over night and it will get easier.

3. Have more QUALITY time with my children. 
Lots of my time I am cleaning, running, sorting, cooking or crafting and while I enjoy some of those things I find at the end of the day that I have very few real conversations with my kids. Some days are great, I feel like super Mom and other days are just HARD. Life happens and through that chaos I want to spend more time with my kids, genuinely engaged in what they are doing.  

4. Enjoy the Moment.
Often I find I am looking forward to buying a house, getting another car, having another baby and so on that I end up missing the moments that I am in right now. Life goes by FAST and I will miss these days where money is tight but I have my babies at home with me. I have been blessed with such and amazing life. I want to be more thankful and just enjoy these moments while I have them. 

5. Go somewhere for a weekend with just Jakob and I. 
My husband is just amazing. And while life is busy and things are crazy I would really like to just have a weekend where it is just us. To have an over night trip camping, or adventuring, or simply going out ALL DAY and just have fun. The only time that I have had time away from my little's was at my Dad's funeral.  We just need some hubby wifey time and I want to make it a goal to do something this year. 

That's my goals for 2016. I'll try to keep checking back on these to see how I'm doing. Here's to a happy, healthy 2016 full of laughter, joy, love and adventure!  

2015 Highlights

2015 seems like a blur! So much happened from crazy and adventurous to happy to sad. Here is a recap of our year. (As a side note, a lot of these pictures are of my Dad and while they are not the most memorable things of the year these are my last memories of him and so they mean that much more to me which is why he is in a lot of these pictures.)

1. My polka dot family. I just love these dresses and the boys ties that match! SO fabulous!

2. Ethnie potty trained. She was so good and we were so happy to have one less child in diapers! 

3. The park at the zoo. If you asked me what was the one thing I remember most about Nashville, hands down it would be this park. The kids just LOVED it! 

4. All of the crafts and creations E and I made! So much fun!!

5. The Ice storm that shut the city down and we just couldn't understand what was going on. So beautiful. People in Nashville are just not able to handle snow and ice. 

6. My Dad coming to visit us on his own and helping to make this cake. We used almost every piece of frosting!

7. Ethnie's frozen birthday party. 

8. Going to Nashville Predator games. Oh how I wish we had a pro hockey team in KC!!!

9. Going on this shopping spree with Daddy at Khols. We found SO many deals and He walked away with 24 sweaters, 10 or so ties, a few pairs of pants and a few treasures for Mom and I. It was so much fun!!! We had a BLAST!

10. Trying to do something fun every day. It was a lot of prep and planning but the kids just loved it. I should start doing things like this again!

11. Easter 2015

12. Our family photo shoot. I just love every one of these pictures! 

13. Jakob making his way into the LDS gospel art book. Brianna did such a good job painting him!

14. Jakob graduated from Vanderbilt with his MSF! SO very proud of him!

15. We packed up and said goodbye to Nashville (so sad) and we went to Vegas for a few weeks while our belongings moved to our new home in KC!

16. Awesome Mommy Moment of the Year: With in 24 hours Manfred had split open his eye playing on a trampoline, dumped cleaning chemicals all over himself as we were about to mop the floor before we left our house for the last time, and then he clocked his head on the corner of the wall while Aunt Kammie was playing music for them to dance too. Poor Manny. So Sad!!!

17. We spent a few perfect weeks in Vegas while we waited for our things to move across the country!

18. MAN NIGHT!!! Duke won the cup. 

19. Mom and I got free tickets from Missy and we got the VIP treatment as we went to see Annie at the Smith Center. We had so much fun!

20. Not a highlight. Great- Gramma Palmer returned home to Grampa Palmer and her Father in Heaven. 

21. Jakob started his new job at Tortoise! So excited for him to be doing EXACTLY what he wants to do! 

22. Oma and Opa come to help us unpack in KC.

23. Opa building Duke's busy board for his birthday.

24. I just love this picture! We have it framed. Daddy acting like a kid, and E loving being along for the ride!

25. Not a highlight. My Dad also returned home to his Father in Heaven. We went home to Canada to lay him to rest.

26. Tobler Family Reunion in Utah. It was so much fun!

27. Our last trip to Vegas before Duke turned 2 and needed his own seat to fly. 

28. Ethnie singing 'You are  My Sunshine' in Pa's band. 

29. Hot Lava

30. This little man turned 2!

31. Our first black tie gala. Very fancy and very formal. We had a great time!

32. We went to the Renascence Festival in KC so much fun! We will go kid-less next year!

33. We went curbside hunting with the girls! I still get giddy thinking about it! We were the masters of making things fit!

34. Went went to a few Royals games. (World Series Champions!!!!!!!)

35. Another black tie affair that was themed 20's Night!! It was so much fun to get all dressed up!!!

36. After hours of pulling staples and a few drops of blood I recovered my very first wing back chair!! It was SO much fun!!!!

37. Oma came back to visit and we went to the pumpkin patch. I also started watching Gretta a few days a week. 

38. Our year of multiple costumes. 

39. Our favorite Gala was the performing arts event. So fun!!

40. Dad and Chad came to KC for the BYU football game! It was so nice to have them!!!

41. We went to Houston for Thanksgiving and we had SUCH an amazing time!!!!

42. Our second Renn Fair for the year was in Houston and it was HUGE. We had a blast despite the rain and chilly weather!

43. Family Christmas Card picture taken by my sister Janet. Thanks love!

44. Back to Vegas to see STAR WARS!!! It was sooooo wonderful to spend time with friends!

45. We had a mini Christmas in Vegas. We were very fortunate to be able to spend the holidays with so much family!!

46. Christmas in Canada

 

47. Visiting with my sister Melanie. Totally one of my favorite highlights of our Christmas visit in Canada. 

48. And that's a wrap for 2015! What a fun and busy year. We got to go so many places and spend a TON of time with family. We have been so very blessed and we are looking forward to seeing what 2016 has in store.